"Where there is creativity, there is hope." ~ Donna Karan




I'll be okay, but today I am not okay.

by - Tuesday, August 16, 2011


Today everything is not okay.

Today I am NOT okay.

I feel terrible. Everything hurts. Fatigue is so cruel. Brain fog smothers me like a blanket, it's suffocating.

It's like I am living in a body made of led. Every step in this thick mud is a struggle. I'm knee deep, and almost bogged.

It's as though I have bricks attached to my arms and the weight is just becoming too much to battle.

It's all too much.

Today, it's just all too much.

Today I do not feel well, and if I hear one more person say "you look really well", I fear what I will do.

I am tired and I am sore, and I just can't take much of this anymore. I'm stuck in shit creek, without any paddles, and my patience has drowned.

My attitude is sinking southward. Fast.

Getting your mind into gear is damn difficult when fatigue and pain are your constant companion.

I long for the day when the simple act of scrubbing the toilet, showering and doing laundry are not akin to climbing Mount Everest.

I've climbed bloody Mount Everest.

And today I do not feel okay. Yes, I look good but I know that is what I'm not.

A fibromyalgia flare has rocked up at my door step, and I am defenseless. I start exercise rehab this week and I'm wondering how I'm going to hack it. It's only Tuesday and I'm already smashed.

It's only Tuesday.

Hell, it should be Friday.

Today I am not okay.

How am I going to do this?

HOW?

Today I have lost the battle but tomorrow I will pick myself up and put on my armor.

I will FIGHT.

But today I am not okay.

Today, I am not alone. I am not alone.

Today there is someone who is doing it tougher than I am.

Today there is someone who feels more terrible than I do.

I am not alone.

The good thing about today? There is hope for a better tomorrow.

Today, I am one more day closer to being well again.








**** I have been bombarded with emails as of late and due to fatigue my response may be a little delayed, but I just wanted to publicly say thank you so much for your gorgeous, kind and supportive emails. It's days like today when I have truly needed them. You guys are amazing! x



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