"Where there is creativity, there is hope." ~ Donna Karan

Surviving Surgery- Part 3

by - Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Two weeks post-op, am I feeling fabulous? Absolutely not. Fatigue has flared and that uneasy feeling that something is wrong still troubles me daily. I'm still having to put up with the abnormal pain which provoked me to pay to have my surgery done privately.

While surgery has halved the pain and reduced the symptoms associated with endometriosis, it hasn't helped the pain in my upper back and stomach. The pain that doctors thought was just referred endometriosis pain is originating from some other source, but what?

This pain doesn't make sense and now I know that something really is amiss because the surgery findings definitely don't account for the amount of pain I'm in. I'm disappointed and frustrated yet again. Pain in between my shoulder blades and pain just below my ribs cannot possibly be endometriosis pain.

I just knew that the pain didn't add up. It's onset was too sudden and it's a new pain I've never had before and unfortunately it's onset just so happened to coincide with the flare in endometriosis pain.

I needed surgery regardless but the fact that I now know that something else is going on overwhelms me. All of my symptoms and "syndromes" overlap each other and with an added ailment to the list- doctors have difficulty.

All that I know is that I know my own body well enough to know something strange is going on but I've just been ignoring the signals that my body is trying to send.

I'm over this crap. I want to get as well as I possibly can and move on but this stupid pain is dragging me down. I hold onto the hope that wishful thinking will magically make the pain disappear but it never leaves.

I just want it to stop. It's disrupting so much of my life. I just want to be able to go back to work, I'm going stir crazy. I just want for things to go back to normal, whatever normal is.

(image via weheartit.com)

I've just been dealing with the pain in an attempt to avoid another frustrating appointment with my doctor because I don't want more tests. I'm just too tired. I want to curl up in a ball and just give up. I'm scared more scans and tests won't show anything and that doctors won't be able to work out what's going on.

I've been poked and prodded far too many times and I'm just done with seeing doctors and getting nowhere. I've been complaining about this pain for three months now and where has that got me?


Ignoring this pain hasn't got me anywhere either. Perfect timing to be reading Coping With Chronic Illness by H. Norman Wright and Lynn Ellis. This particular paragraph jumped off the page:

"Don't quit or become resigned because you just don't have the energy. Continue to search for answers and solutions. Don't take a closed door as defeat, but see it as, ' well, I've looked into that and it wasn't the answer so I can cross it off the list and look elsewhere'."

So I'm continuing the search for answers and I've made an appointment with my doctor. Again. Although this is becoming a difficult time for me and I'm stressed because I just want the pain to go away and I want a solution right now, it really helps to put things into perspective.

Whenever I catch myself about to complain I have to slap myself- at least I have a wonderful doctor and the finances to seek treatment. There are people in third world countries who don't have what I do.

The good thing is that I can rule out endometriosis pain as a cause and at least I can feel calm about one thing being under control for now when everything just seems so out of my control.


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