"Where there is creativity, there is hope." ~ Donna Karan

Just My Luck

by - Monday, March 07, 2011

After failing my driving test back in December last year as discussed in the post 'There's Always Next Time', I attempted it for the second time last month and obviously you know where I am going with this... yes, I am celebrating yet another fail! You see, I'm aiming for a world record of how many attempts it takes to get a licence and so far I'm on a roll but in all seriousness, I am far beyond frustrated.

On the day of my test I woke up to a windy and hot day, the desire of my heart. I didn't have to do my test in the rain like I did the first time round. I arrived at my test more anxious than the first time due to the fact that I had previously experienced a horrid tester from hell. Thankfully though, I was blessed with the most lovely tester, my nerves settled and I thought I'd surely pass. I never would have thought that I wouldn't even get to sit my test that day! Yep, that's right I didn't even get past reversing out of the car park because my right brake light fuse decided that it would die on me during the drive to the test. Just my luck. I couldn't believe it, and the real stupid thing is that it could have blown whilst I was doing my drive test.

The lovely lady tried to make me feel better by saying "these things happen, it's just bad luck" but it only made me feel all the more frustrated and angry. That bad luck is my luck- luck that has cost me more money to transfer the test appointment, luck that has caused more fatigue, luck that has left me feeling like nothing will go right. At first I was very upset and quite negative purely because of the amount of energy it has taken me to get to this point where I can try and get my licence despite fatigue. I just felt like it was some conspiracy against me getting my licence but I quickly reminded myself that things happen for a reason. Maybe that was God's way of protecting me from something like an accident, I don't know, but I knew that I just had to trust that there was a reason for it and at the end of the day, sometimes you've just gotta laugh. Although I was not laughing at the time let me tell you!

The good that came out of that situation was that they had a cancellation for the next morning and considering it's booked up for months, I took the 10.15 am appointment I was offered. I would try again the next day, "there's always next time". I wasn't happy that the test was so early in the morning (it's early for a CFS sufferer and sedative taker), but I was just so desperate to get my licence that it overtook how fatigued I was feeling and that desperation encouraged me to try my luck against fatigue.

(image via weheartit.com)

The next morning I had to go through the whole ordeal again and although I was happy with the tester I was assigned, she wasn't anywhere near as nice as the one I got given the day before. To make matters worse I was dog tired and completely misjudged the distance of the gutter when parallel parking and *bam*, I smacked the gutter with my back tire and it was such a hard hit that my back tire lifted, and so I failed, AGAIN! I was so upset and disappointed in myself but it's something everyone does at some stage, even experienced drivers. I just happened to do it on my test, and while I don't use fatigue as an excuse, it did contribute to it- I wasn't driving at my best. On a good fatigue day I'm usually feeling my best in the early afternoon so in hindsight, I probably should have used wisdom and booked the test at a fatigue friendly time but I'm not waisting my energy thinking about that now.

In case of the possibility of new readers reading thinking 'why the hell is she driving with chronic fatigue?' and for clarification, I have medical consent to drive which means I have been declared capable of being an alert and safe driver. Having chronic fatigue just means that I have to be extra cautious- pulling over when I get tired, only driving short distances and not driving on bad fatigue days. I've lived with CFS for five years, I am more than capable of knowing when I can drive and when I can't. All it means is that it just makes driving a little more restrictive and that I'm often exhausted after driving due to how much cognitive power is required for such an activity.

For my next test, I've decided that I'll be taking my instructors car so that he can come with me. That way I don't have to worry about getting a rude tester again and I won't have a tester sitting in the passenger seat sighing when they thought I could have made a gap in traffic. I think it's the smart and sensible thing to do because if I do cop a rude tester again, I'll have someone to back me up whether if I'm on my own it's my word against the testers.

So yet again I find myself in all too familiar territory- waiting to go for my license once again, for the third attempt. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high, or I'll just set myself up to be devastated by disappointment. I'm settling with the attitude 'whatever happens, happens'. Although every time I fail just makes me more determined to try again, to not let fatigue win. Everyone keeps telling me how easy the test is and I have to refrain from screaming "yeah easy for you maybe, you try living with CFS and take a sedative every night and then you tell me how easy it is!". Getting my licence with CFS has been one hell of a long, bumpy and windy road, but I will reach my destination and I will get that plastic card and I will display my P-plates with pride because I know what it has taken and how much I've had to sacrifice to get them. They say third time lucky and I'm hoping that's just my luck.


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