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I love my life more than I hate my pain
Author, blogger and ‘quit sugar’ advocate Sarah Wilson
wrote a blog post late last year asking “Could female self-hatred be the real cause of autoimmune disease?” An extended version of it was published on
news.com.au, similarly questioning “Is self-hatred making us sick?”
The article enraged me.
Immediately after reading it I began writing through
my infuriation but was undecided on if I would blog my thoughts and
feelings.
Early this year I revisited the few thoughts I had
penned and for some reason decided to try and punch through my brain fog (which
has been an epic struggle) to convert my thoughts into an informative,
opinionated post.
Sarah Wilson’s words didn’t just get me riled up, they
made others angry too, causing a social media storm.
She starts off speaking openly about her experience
with Graves’ disease and Hashimoto’s. While trying to “pinpoint the original
physical cause” of her condition for over 20 years, she explains how she came
to the conclusion that “if there is such a cause, it’s definitely got an
emotional basis.”
Whenever asked what caused her disease she answers
“Once all angles are ironed out – everything points to… anxiety. Or as I like
to put it, a profound, visceral, itchy dis-ease with myself.”
I don’t have a problem with Sarah Wilson sharing about
why she believes anxiety and a lack of self-care caused her to become ill. More
power to her. But then she goes on to imply that women who have an autoimmune
disease are most likely sick because they don’t love themselves.
That’s not okay with me.
Sarah enthusiastically and extensively highlights Dr
Habib Sadeghi’s teachings – a man who’s convinced that self-hatred is the sole
cause of chronic disease in women.
It’s evident that she wholeheartedly agrees with his
belief that “Illness is what happens when women, the nurturers of humanity,
forget how to nurture themselves.”
This isn’t earth shatteringly profound, it is
pseudoscience.
She supports the doctor’s claim, explaining: “When you
can’t be the ideal wife, mother, girlfriend, teacher, cook, church volunteer,
corporate executive and activist at 20 pounds below your healthy body weight,
what’s left but to silently (and subconsciously) hate yourself because you’re
not perfect? And so… self-hatred causes auto-immune disease, which, boiled
down, is the body attacking itself. So how to heal? With self-love…”
Upon reading this I had a little chuckle at how ridiculous
it seems considering I was at my happiest before illness suddenly took over my
life. I was bursting with excitement about finishing school and going to
university. I was so full of hope. I loved my casual retail job, I loved my
body, and I loved my own company. I loved who I was and I enjoyed exercising
daily. Taking time out for some self-pampering was extremely important to me. I’ll
admit I was a little anxious at times, especially in large social settings, but
I never hated myself.
I did not get sick because I forgot how to nurture
myself. I took really good care of myself and had a healthy self-esteem. I knew
who I was and I knew exactly what I wanted in life; I was confident about the
future and usually felt content and at peace.
And now, despite chronic pain, I still take really
good care of myself. Self-love and self-care certainly have not been on the
back burner. Eating healthy is a high priority. I have a beauty and skincare
routine that I try and stick to as much as I can. I do a bit of yoga most mornings
and I try to spend the limited energy I have doing creative things that nourish
my soul and make me happy. I journal and allow myself to have a good cry every
now and then. I make sure I take the time to reflect, meditate, and be thankful
every day.
While I did struggle to love my life in the first few
years after my diagnosis (a typical reaction to grief, anger, fear, confusion
and sadness), I can now honestly say that I love my life much more than I hate
my pain – and I hate my pain a lot! It has taken a great deal of time and hard
work but I can truly say that I’m proud of the person I am today.
Sure, there have been many times when I have been an
utterly miserable self-loathing mess but my unhappiness was caused mostly by
medication side effects like low mood, depression and weight gain. Spending two
years with an IUD in to help prevent Endometriosis growth really messed with my
head. I was depressed, angry and irrational. Emotionally I was all over the
place. When I began taking a stronger drug to help get my crippling Rheumatoid
Arthritis pain under control, I suddenly gained 12 kilos and plunged into a pit
of misery as a result. Going from a healthy size 10 to being overweight in a
matter of months greatly affected my confidence and self-esteem that I ended up
seeking help from a counsellor.
There have also been many periods when the constant pain
and fatigue has profoundly supressed the love I have for myself and for life,
but deep down it’s there, and it always resurfaces.
For most women who are chronically ill, self-loathing
is a side effect of illness, not a cause.
I am certainly not still sick because I hate myself. I
fight every day to love my life more than I hate my pain. I’ve worked incredibly
hard over the years with a counsellor, exercise physiologist and a naturopath
in attempt to try and better my health. If that’s not self-love then I don’t
know what is.
I love the creative, passionate, independent, joyful,
strong and resilient woman I am becoming. I am not still sick because I am not
nurturing myself enough. I know how to nourish my “grasslands”.
As I type this I have sharp pain in my teeth and I
feel like I’ve been hit in the face with a basketball. That’s not because I
didn’t love myself nine years ago, it is because chronic pain is poorly
understood.
I’m all for self-love. I think it’s imperative,
especially when you’re battling a chronic disease. I adore this quote from
Daniell Koepke:
A little self-love certainly goes a long way when
you’re facing constant pain. Love has extraordinary potential to reduce pain,
depression and anxiety. A little self-love can certainly help you find peace in
spite of illness and enable you to cope better.
I really do think that I’d physically be feeling much
worse if I didn’t make self-care a priority and didn’t work on being kind to myself.
Self-love absolutely improves wellbeing but it can’t always fix everything. I
am still sick; my body isn’t functioning correctly. And it’s not because of a
lack of love. If self-hatred was the cause of my chronic diseases, I would have
loved myself well years ago.
Sarah Wilson also believes that she can spot an
“auto-immune type”, stating: “They have an intensity about them, a desire to
impress. They’re always the ones at the front of my lectures, frantically
taking notes. They have an air of ‘I’m not good enough as I am.’”
So a person who prefers to sit up the front and likes
to take detailed notes is more likely to be suffering from an autoimmune
disease? Let’s get one thing straight: autoimmune disease can affect ANYONE. Just
as perfectionists and people pleasers can have an autoimmune disease, so too
can the most relaxed and laid back person sitting up the back of a lecture
theatre.
I’ve been battling two autoimmune diseases along with
Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and while I can be a bit of a
perfectionist sometimes (more so for my own satisfaction), I don’t have an unhealthy
desire to impress people. I certainly do not have an air of ‘I’m not good
enough as I am.’ I also hate sitting at the front of lectures and much prefer
sitting as far up the back as possible. I don’t “frantically” takes notes, and
I think you’ll be hard pressed to find someone with Rheumatoid Arthritis (or
any painful illness, really) who does. People also can’t tell that I’m sick
just on a quick observation. Often they are shocked to hear how unwell I am.
It’s interesting to note that Sarah’s lectures are
heavily based on food, health and wellbeing. She’s all about inspiring healthy
eating and promoting the importance of “quitting the white stuff”, so there’s
bound to be many people living with an autoimmune disease in attendance.
Newsflash: that’s why they’re always the ones at the
front of her lectures! If she was speaking about life on mars and dinosaur
fossils there would probably only be the odd few who have an autoimmune disease.
Oh, and here’s a thought: perhaps the ones “frantically” taking notes at
Sarah’s lectures are doing so because they just genuinely want to improve their
nutrition and health?
The theory that certain mannerisms observed in
Wilson’s lectures are always indicative of autoimmune disease is flawed. There
are people who prefer to sit up the front in lectures so they can see and hear
better, while some people simply want to decrease their chances of becoming
distracted so they can get the most out of the lecture. Just because someone is
attentive and passionate about what they are learning doesn’t necessarily mean
they have (or are likely to develop) an autoimmune disease, for goodness sakes.
There are many people who are anxious and are
otherwise well. There are many people who constantly feel the need to impress
people who are also perfectly healthy. Therefore it’s narrow minded to assume
there is an “auto-immune type”.
It’s wrong to lump everyone with an autoimmune disease
into the one box and label them.
Wilson concludes the piece reiterating how self-love
is the “key”, pointing out that “You can do all the tests, elimination diets
and treatments you like, but boil it all down, there’s always a sneaky feeling
that it’s more than the gluten or the toxin or the hereditary predisposition.”
She also reflects on why anxiety is responsible for
her periods of disease flare-ups, explaining that “The only feeling there,
behind the pain and shittiness, is a cringy, self-flagellating, forward-lunging
anxiety. It's always there, whatever the flare. The same feeling.”
I don’t concur with all of Sarah Wilson’s viewpoints.
I’m not the only one who found some of the presented points absurd. While there
were some people who did appreciate her article, many were outraged and turned
to social media and blogging to vent.
A writer on mamamia.com.au even discussed their gripe
with it in a piece where they deemed Wilson’s comments regarding autoimmune
disease to be untrue, unsafe and immoral. They emphasized a very excellent
point I feel I’m testament to: “Disease doesn’t care if you are the most
self-loving, self-caring person on the planet. It can strike you down at any
time for no reason at all.”
Considering Sarah isn’t medically qualified, her piece
came across as expert-y and consequently rubbed many people the wrong way. It
caused confusion and controversy. While she didn’t actually say that our
diseases are all in our heads, her piece implied that they are. I believe that
the article simplifies a very complex issue. To myself and others, it read: Hey
ladies! The solution is simple – you’ve just got to love yourself more, that’s
what the real problem is here.
By referencing Dr Sadeghi, the article has lead a lot
of readers to believe that Sarah also believes that self-hatred is the sole
reason why women are sick.
It’s okay to say that self-love helps healing but it’s
not okay for someone to say that self-loathing causes autoimmune disease in
women.
I certainly don’t doubt that a deep-seated unhappiness
and self-hatred has the potential to make one sick but directly linking
self-hatred to autoimmune disease when self-hatred is not an issue for many
women battling disease day in and day out is plain wrong, unhelpful and
unsolicited.
I’m not at all surprised that Sarah’s piece got people
fired up and left some feeling hurt and angry. I understand the backlash
against the article given the angle the topic was written from. Assumptions and
generalisations were made and I think that’s what annoyed people. Had it been
worded differently many more people probably would have respected it.
In my opinion, I feel the articles would have been
better received had Wilson said something like: And so… given my experience, I
believe that self-hatred may cause autoimmune disease in some people. I think
that constant self-loathing has a much greater impact on health than we
realise.
But that wouldn’t get as many people fired up, would
it?
If Sarah was self-reflecting and exploring the cause
of her own condition it would have been more appropriate for the articles to be
titled along the lines of: ‘Could my self-hatred be the real cause of my
autoimmune disease?’ and ‘Is self-hatred making me sick?’
That’s not really click-bait though, hey?
I can’t help but wonder if there was an ulterior
motive behind Sarah’s piece. While I don’t doubt that what she has shared came
from a place of vulnerability, I do, however, feel like it was deliberately
ambiguous to encourage debate.
After all, she’s a very clever journalist who knows
damn well how to write to evoke an impressive response. News sites probably
wouldn’t have republished it if they didn’t think it was going to cause a stir
and drive traffic to their site.
The writer on Mamamia even questioned if Wilson was
“just making outlandish statements in order to generate a response”, too.
The only reason I read both the original piece and the
republished version was because of people’s reactions. It was pure click-bait.
Wilson defended her piece by stating on her blog that
she was only posing a question and sharing her personal experience. She has
stressed that she was simply pointing out the mind and body connection and that
she doesn’t write “vulnerable autoimmune posts as click bait”. She also stated
that she doesn’t know why all women get sick and is aware that self-love
doesn’t cure autoimmune disease, claiming that in her piece she referred to
self-love as a vessel for healing, not a cure for disease. She feels that her
piece was taken out of context and believes that people didn’t actually read
her original post, taking her message the wrong way and passing unfair
judgement.
While some of the criticism Sarah copped was a bit
mean spirited and aggressive, I do think that some people’s critiques were
warranted. What did she expect? When you support a man who preaches pseudoscience
there’s a high chance that people will kick up a stink. You shouldn’t quote a
man who believes that self-hatred is at the root of autoimmune disease if
that’s not what you are saying.
I read ALL articles for context and perspective.
Multiple times, actually. And I didn’t agree with how this topic was tackled.
I am not disputing the connection between mind and
body. I am fully aware that our emotions play a huge part in our health and
that’s why I take a holistic approach to managing my illnesses. The brain does
have a role in pain and I think it is pretty common knowledge that the mind can
affect the body. Anxiety, stress and self-loathing will exacerbate autoimmune
disease and flare symptoms; this I know. I myself, like Sarah have experienced
flare-ups because of stress and anxiety.
If I get upset because of a negative experience I had with a doctor or I
have a massive freak out about the future, the fatigue and pain can worsen for
days.
Chronic illness is stressful. That is why self-love
and good stress and anxiety management is paramount. I have to try and limit
the impact of stress and anxiety as much as possible so that I can either
prevent a flare-up or at least minimise it. Is stress or anxiety the culprit
behind all of my flare-ups, though? No. Often chronic illness means frequent
painful flare-ups. There are many factors that can induce a flare. For me it
can be factors like overexertion and weather changes. Flare-ups also occur for
no apparent reason. Acute episodes of pain, fatigue and inflammation are just a
fact of life for those of us living with a chronic disease.
My concern with Wilson’s article is the negative
impact it could have. It’s extremely misleading. It could cause people to
assume that those who suffer from anxiety must hate themselves when anxiety and
self-hatred don’t always go hand in hand. The way the piece was written may
lead those living with anxiety disorders, who are otherwise perfectly healthy,
to worry that their anxiety will eventually make them chronically ill – and the
last thing those battling anxiety need is something more to be worried about. Some
women may read it and blame themselves for being sick, and that’s just not
healthy. Ignorant people may start assuming that chronic health conditions are
psychological. Those of us living with invisible illnesses don’t need that; we
have enough trouble as it is getting people to understand that we are in fact
physically sick and that our bodies are not functioning correctly.
We also don’t need doctors telling us to go home and
love ourselves out of being sick because it’s not possible. I once saw a doctor
who dismissed my debilitating headache as a tension headache caused by stress
and anxiety. “Women don’t know how to relax”, he told me. “Go home and stop
worrying about it and your pain will go away”. It didn’t go away. Turns out the
constant pain I was experiencing was nerve pain, which I now manage with
medication.
We don’t need more doctors adopting Dr Sadeghi’s
stance and palming us off as anxious self-haters – that’s medical negligence. We
don’t need more labels. We are not all self-haters.
I am by no means attacking Sarah personally, she seems
lovely and has great skin and hair to boot. I do have some respect for the
woman. I have been following her popular (and controversial) ‘I Quit Sugar’
diet for over a year now and have benefited greatly from some of the health and
dietary advice she shares. Her recipes have changed my life. She has helped me
more than some doctors have been able to, and for that I am grateful. I greatly
admire her courage, determination and honesty. I take my hat off to people who
write about anxiety and chronic disease and share it on the internet, it takes
a lot of guts.
The cookbook that has changed my life. |
I just think that writers need to tread very carefully
when writing about this topic and feel that this particular piece could have
been worded better. It wasn’t a wise choice to praise Dr Sadeghi.
There is no denying that love is powerful medicine. I
agree that self-love and daily nourishment play an important part in good
health and that love can encourage healing, I just don’t agree with how Sarah
Wilson relayed the message.
Personally, I think Dr Bernie Siegel said it best when
he said “I am convinced that unconditional love is the most powerful known
stimulant of the immune system. If I told patients to raise their blood levels
of immune globulins or killer T cells, no one would know how. But if I can
teach them to love themselves and others fully, the same changes happen
automatically. The truth is: love heals.”
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