Chronic illness and emotionschronic illness and guiltchronic illness and identityInvisible illness realityLiving with chronic illnessLiving with invisible illness
The Monster in my head
There is a Monster in my head. It sinks its sharp claws in and rips me to shreds.
Some days there is just no escaping; I am at its mercy, I am its prey.
There is a Monster in my head. It tells me that where I am heading in life is not the right direction, that I have caused myself to stray off track.
There is a Monster in my head. It convinces me that what I am doing isn't good enough. That I am not trying hard enough, not fighting enough, not doing enough, not achieving enough, not thriving enough.
There is a Monster in my head. It makes me feel that my good enough just isn't good enough anymore- that I am not a good enough writer, daughter, sister, friend; that I am not outgoing enough, not happy enough, and that I am not making enough progress.
There is a Monster in my head. It's my number one worst enemy.
There is a Monster in my head. I am weary and I am worn, and no longer will I wrestle with the Monster in my head, for I am slaying it once and for all.
There is a Monster in my head. The Monster is a liar and a thief. To hell with the Monster in my head.
For I know that I know that I KNOW, that I have a purpose. That I am useful, that I can make a difference right where I am with what I have. That although, some days I am defeated- they do not define me, no, they do not define me.
For I know that I know that I KNOW, that I am going places- even when it doesn't seem so some days. That I am victorious and not a victim.
To hell with the Monster in my head.
Life isn't just about the doing. No longer will I be defined by what I have or haven't done.
My identity isn't in money, work or material possessions and just surviving another day is of itself an achievement.
I will celebrate the light, the glimmer of hope, in the smallest of achievements and no longer will I listen to the Monster in my head.
For I am good enough just as I am, by simply being- existing, and, anyone who says or implies otherwise is a liar.
Essay written by Emily Ruth, © ChronicallyCreative.net
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