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A Letter to My Immune System
This post is apart of a challenge over at Phylor's Blog but instead of addressing the letter to my mind and body, I addressed it to my immune system instead. It's the first thing that came to mind and so, I went with it. I have been in quite an emotional state this past week and I found this activity very therapeutic. Writing a letter to your immune system or mind and body may seem totally ridiculous to some but for those living with chronic pain and illness, it's something I highly recommend. And it's cheaper than therapy too! So here goes, my letter to my immune system...
Dear immune system,
I have a love/hate relationship with you. While I am so thankful that my health isn't worse than what it is, I really hate having to take a truck load of pills. I hate living life within the limitations of pain and fatigue, and I hate having to live life within the restriction of four walls some days. I miss the old me. The me that had a bucket load of energy and more. Where did I go wrong? What did I do wrong? Was my healthy diet somehow not good enough for you? Or did I stress too much? Did I not pay you enough attention? Maybe this determined driven girl overwhelmed you. Should I have taken more care to slow down instead of running myself into the ground? Tell me what because I am at the end of my rope. Tell me what I need to do to fix this mess. I will do anything.

When will you allow my body to catch up with my mind? I have so much I want to do and achieve but some days I feel I'm a 22 year old stuck inside a 70 year old body. When will you get your act together? Do you not care about my life? Do you not care about all the sleepless nights? I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I hate what you have done to my life. You've seemed to take everything I love and shatter it into a million pieces that seem impossible to ever put back into place. My life will never be the same. Because of you I've lost my career, friendships and so much more. I struggle on a daily basis dealing with this grief and somehow accepting this new way of life.
Don't you dare for a second even think that I will accept this as apart of the rest of my life because I will not settle for it. Just because you've seemed to back down, doesn't mean I'm going to. Oh and here's a big question for you- why the heck do I have to battle and manage more than one illness, isn't one or two enough? I think one is plenty enough but FOUR? Why do you feel the need to unleash hell? And why oh why are you failing me? Can't you see I need you?
As much as I hate to admit it though, I suppose I should be thanking you. After all, I'm learning how to slow down and listen to my body. I'm even learning things about myself I never even knew. I'm discovering new talents I never knew I had and I'm learning to hope when there seems nothing left to hope for. For that I am grateful. From now on I promise to continue to listen to my body and slow down. I promise to work as hard as I can both physically and emotionally to overcome fibromyalgia, endometriosis, chronic fatigue and arthritis. I can beat this. I will beat this. I will win. This isn't forever.
Written by Emily Ruth
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