"Where there is creativity, there is hope." ~ Donna Karan

There's Always Next Time

by - Monday, January 24, 2011

Last year I wrote about the challenges of driving with chronic fatigue and I shared with you my frustration and excitement about getting through the hurdle of my last lot of driving lessons. After completing the driving lessons I finally went for my test in December last year. I was so happy that I got to the point of being prepared enough to go for my P's. After a long four, now going on five years of chronic fatigue, I never thought I'd get there.

I arrived at the testing place with more excitement than nerves about the fact that that day I would (I say would because I was expecting to pass) be driving home a P-plater. I gave my name to the receptionist and was assigned who I thought at first to be a lovely female Indian tester, who turned out to be one hell of a bitch (excuse my language, but she seriously was). I went for the test in my own car as I'm more comfortable driving in it, so my driving instructor was unable to come with me which meant it was just me and the tester in the car, which was kind of a disadvantage because there is no one to back me up on her unfairness. That driving test turned out to be one of the most horrible experiences. After five minutes of driving I didn't care if I failed I just wanted the test to end. I was tempted many times to pull over and make the horrible woman get out of my car. You know those people who are just plain miserable who give off bad vibes and you feel horrible and yucky just being in their presence? Well that was her. I like my car to be filled with happiness and her miserable demeanor was really quite disgusting. Appalling, actually. For a driving tester I would have expected a much more lively friendly persona but I guess my expectations were way too high in standards. This woman was the most disgusting, rudest and impatient person- every time I would turn out onto a main road she would make a point of letting out a sudden sigh when she thought I could have pulled out in between a gap in traffic. Now, my driving instructor clearly told me that if I didn't think that it was safe to go- don't. His theory was that it was much better to just get a penalty. Well clearly in her mind that was not the case, and sighing is just plain darn rude and not on when someone is taking their driving test. I bet if I had taken my instructors car, she would not have done that. I just think she was highly unprofessional and took advantage of the fact that I didn't have my instructor with me.

By the time I got to the second half of my test she had me feeling really flustered which is really quite dangerous (dumb woman) and I made a mistake. Eeek. I was sitting at a set of traffic lights waiting to turn left- the lights changed, I turned the corner and a little further around the corner there were another set of lights that were red adorned with a 'beware of pedestrians' sign. And so seeing the pedestrian standing ready to cross and the light beaming red, I stopped. The woman crossed the road, it all seemed good. Confusion soon washed over me as I quickly realised what I had just done didn't feel right. I kept on driving and the tester pipes up "you weren't suppose to stop there"- it was for the other side of the traffic lights. Oops. It was so deceiving, hence why she took me down there. Damn.

 (image via weheartit.com)

I found myself back waiting for the results of one of the worst thirty minutes of my life. FAIL. I knew that I had failed, but it was still a shock to here it. There was a little part of me that still hoped I had a chance as I've heard of people doing much more stupid things in their test and passed. Had I not made the mistake at the set of lights, she would have failed me anyway and this fact makes me feel much better about things. I was set up to fail right from the beginning, and despite doing a brilliant reverse park, nothing could please this woman. She was a grump and one hell of a hard task master. She wasn't happy with me driving 10km under the speed limit (which is what my driving instructor told me to do) and a little less in the rain- and it was raining! I bet if I drove faster she would have failed me for that too! She was clearly a woman who was totally unhappy in her job (it really showed!) and who can't distinguish between home life and work life. I don't care what your job is- for goodness sakes, leave your personal problems behind. She couldn't even brave a fake smile and she looked like her face would break if she even attempted to.

 (image via weheartit.com)

I've heard stories from friends who have gone for their licence who have been unfairly failed, discriminated against and it just really frustrates me that no tester has the same marking standards. I've heard of testers passing bad drivers and failing good ones, expecting different speed limits and it's just plain unprofessional to judge a persons driving capabilities based on what mood your in.

I came home so unhappy, upset, disappointed and feeling like a failure. All I wanted was to get my P's- to have one thing in my life work out for a change but instead of dwelling on the negatives of disappointment I whipped out my 'Things to be thankful for' list and got writing....

I am thankful that....
  • I have the joy of the Lord
  • I'm not a misery guts
  • I don't feel the need to impose my misery on others
  • I have a nice car to drive
  • I have a clean car (thanks to my Dad cleaning it for my test!)
  • I got writing material from this experience
  • I'm going to be a better and safer driver
  • I am more than a conqueror
  • I will eventually get my P's
  • I have the money to pay for another test
  • I have another chance to go for my P's
  • There is always a next time

And while I'll admit that the test did shake my confidence a little, I booked another test immediately, and I'm now looking forward to trying again. Hopefully I'll get a much more nicer and respectful tester next time round. I really do not want to fail again, I am so fragile as I'm struggling a little with fatigue and depression so it will be good if one thing can go right in my life for a change. The one thing I've learnt from this whole experience is that I'm not a failure.. it seems like I'm failing at everything at the moment but my God does not see me as a failure and neither should I.

Psalm 107: 28-30

"Then they cry out to the Lord in their trouble, and He brings them out of their distresses. He calms the storm, so that it's waves are still. Then they are glad because they are quiet; so he guides them to their desired haven."

- I woke up to this scripture placed under my bedroom door by my sweet Mum. I'm going for my P's again knowing that my God will calm the storm, and that He will guide me to my desired haven.

 (image via weheartit.com)


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