"Where there is creativity, there is hope." ~ Donna Karan

I'm Not Lost, I'm In Brain Fog

by - Thursday, January 06, 2011

Today is just one of those days when I feel like giving the world the finger, and curling up in a ball under my covers; trying to drown my sorrows. Oh, how I ache all over and oh the things I would give for just that one night of precious, refreshed sleep. For just one day of feeling "normal". Insomnia, we meet again. The sedative that I take (endep) every evening suddenly stopped working three nights ago and ever since, sleep is eluding me. As I stare into the mirror the person staring back glares I just don't care. I feel as though I'm an alien existing on a foreign planet- completely lost. My thinking is all muddled and I'm in the pits of 'fibro fog'. Bad.

For many fibromyalgia sufferers, the symptom of 'fibro fog', also commonly known as 'brain fog' is one of the many troublesome and frustrating of all symptoms of the disease. While fibromyalgia predominately causes chronic widespread musculosketal pain, it also causes a shopping list of other problems, one of which is cognitive dysfunction- hence the term 'fibro fog' comes into play. Fibro fog can be caused or aggravated by a range of different factors but for me personally, it is brought on by a lack of restorative sleep, mental distraction due to pain and medication side effects. When I'm in the middle of a fibro fog flare, I have difficulty recalling known words and experience short term memory loss. I struggle to remember what I've just read or what I've just heard. I become easily lost, and I have trouble recalling where things are, and don't even get me started on how hard it is to process new information. I often find myself listening to a conversation and getting completely lost or either starting a conversation and not being able to complete it. People will often be talking to me and I unintentionally zone out. No, I'm not ignoring you, I'm out of my mind, I'll be back in five minutes.

So what does fibro fog look like? Well it looks exactly like this.....

one hell of a maze to try and work through...

And what does fibro fog feel like?

(image via weheartit.com)

Ever tried eating icecream without a spoon or swim with your clothes on? Well it feels like that. Sloppy, messy, heavy, yucky. Like sludging through thick mud. Frustrating, totally draining and overwhelmingly exhausting.

I've experienced many fibro fog moments or as I like to call them- 'fibro funnies' throughout my four years experience with fibro. Some days have been worse than others, but lately I've been stuck in this fibro fog rut. So seeing as I've been completely lost in brain fog, I thought I'd share a few of my 'moments' with you in hope that you can have a laugh at my expense. I've forgotten. Don't ask me what....I've forgotten that too.

I've had moments at work where I've been in the middle of serving customers and I've had to ask them what I was doing as I had completely forgotten! I've began cooking a simple meal- spaghetti, and had to have my sister take over because I did something silly (although I can't remember what, ha!) as I was too dazed. I have gotten undressed to take a shower (as you do) only to find myself with my clothes back on, standing in the shower, hand outstretched ready to turn on the taps! I have washed myself with shampoo, washed my hair with moisturiser, gone to wash my hands and instead gave my face a good wash with the soap, and have been looking for my sunglasses when I was wearing them! I've forgotten my age, and yes, even my name.

Lately, I've been walking around aimlessly, not knowing what I'm doing. I've made countless cups of teas only to forget that I've made them. I've discovered banana smoothies that I've made- untouched. I've gone to dump my towel in the lounge room instead of the laundry and I've gone and opened the fridge looking for a piece of paper. Seriously. What the hell was I thinking?! Did I want to eat the piece of paper! Even writing this post has been difficult. Although difficult is totally an understatement. I've typed gog instead of fog on more than three occasions. I've had to read every paragraph I've written more than ten times. I've forgotten what I was writing about and I have even forgotten the word for 'fog' despite having already written it several times.

You know you've got brain fog when... I'm sorry, what were we talking about? Yep, today is one of those days that no matter how hard I try, I just cannot function. I feel as though I'm drugged up to the eyeballs- funny that, I am! I'm grumpy, I cry at any little thing, I'm an emotional basket case at the moment and the pain is harder to deal with when you've been up half the night because of it. I love the quote that is featured over on the Fibro Daze blog- "some days even my lucky rocketship underpants won't help." (Calvin and Hobbes) Ain't that the truth! Some days my superwoman cape and invisibility cloak fail me miserably. Oh the joys of fibro fog, sometimes you've just gotta laugh!

 (c) Emily Ruth 2011


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